Guest Blogger - Kathleen Horan

Guest Blog by Kathleen Horan, author of Relationship Obits.

I’ve received hundreds of letters from the broken hearted and bereaved since the launch of my website relationshipobit.com and the recent publication of a book based on the site (& so much more) called "Relationship Obits...The Final Resting Place For Love Gone Wrong."

When you're a kid & you want presents, you write to Santa. When you're grown and there's a wound where your heart used to be, you write to me.

Many of the letters I get are based around a question...while no one ever asks: "How do you know if a relationship has died?"

The first thing I would recommend -once you've gotten through (most of) the five "stages of grief" (anger, fear, denial, bargaining & acceptance) - do some things that make you feel like life isn't just happening to you.

Writing is good - (especially an obituary for your dead relationship!) or anything that involves more doing and less talking. I assume you've already had endless tearful conversations with your friends over bottles of cabernet.

I know most of you are on this site because you're engaged in another helpful activity- which is clearing out the gunk from your life, anything that weighs you down and clogs your filter.
This involves getting rid of articles that reminds you of the ex -i.e.: selling jewelry from your ex. Good. Do that and use the money you’ve received to cultivate a love affair with yourself. I realize this sounds cheesy. So what, it works. Take a road trip. Purchase amazing stationary and write yourself a letter from the future, full of encouragement. You don’t need to spend a lot. It’s really about focusing on you and seeing that as the project -instead of obsessing about why love died, or the relationship failed…whatever.

Another way is to create a ritual or service that memorializes your relationship & can also provide a sense of closure. (A funkified funeral?) It can help you feel like your actively letting go/starting fresh. One woman told me that after a break up she puts the name of her ex (written down) in the freezer & it helps her picture the icing out of the old love. But just boxing up the old stuff & sealing it and putting outside your apartment with a “free” sign could work wonders too. Anything that makes you say “good riddance” and begin to allow life after relationship-death.

(Please visit Relationship Obits on Facebook or follow on Twitter! If you’d like to contact me personally –send your messages to relationshipobit@gmail.com)

Do not miss out on the opportunity to meet Kathleen Horan at "Exorcise Your Ex" this Thursday, Oct. 15th at Cure in New Orleans!